Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
