just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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