My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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