in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
where does the pee come out of this thing
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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