Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize