Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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