normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize