Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
