homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
