Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
