I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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