my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
