His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
