I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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