The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
