it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
