I wish my penis had an off switch
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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