i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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