Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Panties = found
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
