I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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