I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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