I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
