Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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