Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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