you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
