someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
