I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
