I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Blood and glitter go together right?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
