I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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