I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Randomize
