is your mom at the bar?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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