Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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