watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
