Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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