You're completely useless in the revolution.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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