Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
