On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
