have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
