You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
