i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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