I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
