Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
