I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
