your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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