What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
