I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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