even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
