my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
