Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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