I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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