i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
