Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
