The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
