How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize