Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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