Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
