If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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