At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize