why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
