I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
