lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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