you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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