i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
