Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
