im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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