well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize