I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
