hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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