You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize