i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Verdict: uncircumcised.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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